| Nov. 28th, 2006 @ 01:59 am Why do I let things bother me? |
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Current Location: My room
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: TV
So I know it's been a while since I've posted here....nowadays I post my blogs on mysace...
www.blog.myspace.com/katquick430
Anyways... Sometimes I don't understand myself. Like now, when I let things bother me that I feel shouldn't bother me, especially when I was in a good mood and I let things spoil my fun. I don't like it. But I guess it bothers me for a reason right? I don't know...like it's not anyone in particular that bothers me, maybe some things that are said, but mostly just that I'm the way I am, that being less aggressive person. I was having a good time at dinner tonight with Lish, Linds and Heather at K-Bob, granted I had a headache, but K-Bob cures...it's miraculous food so it wasn't that. But I don't know...we were all talking and I wanted to share my two cents cuz everyone was and I am always the person that is being cut off and interrupted. Like most of the time it doens't bother me, bcuz it's usually Lish who does it and I know that if she doens't get out what she has to say then she'll forget, which is fine. Like I said it doens't really bother me. But when it's something that I need to say bcuz I feel that it's vital to the conversation and I get cut off, it bothers me. If it's something not important...like a smart ass comment I might want to say, no it doens't bother me. But when I have to fight my way to say something that I want to say it just gets to me and then I lost my thought and when I say it, it doens't have as much impact as it should because I have to be like "can I say what I have to say first before you say something?" Bcuz by then the topic will have switched gears and what I wanted to say has no mroe meaning. And I know that a good bit of it is my fault for not being more aggressive when I'm in everyday conversations, but as you guys well know, I'm the listener...and when asked my opinion of course I'll give it and most times I'll say whatever I need to say anyways, well that is if it's me and one other person.
I don't know...I started thinking about it Saturday before the game when Linds, Lish and I were in the car just talking and we started talking about people getting words in "edgewise" and it came up again when I was out to dinner with Linds' parents, Linds and Lish. I don't really remember the conversations, at all really, but I know that they were there and it sparked thought, clearly. And I've just been thinking about how my non-aggressive self is when I'm having conversations with a group of people and I don't normally talk all that much because I'm a listener, it's what I do. A lot of the time I don't really have much to say one because usually if I did want to say something it was already said, or I just don't want to give input or it's not needed. But when I do, esp lately when I've hung out with the girls, because there have been some pretty big things that have gone on in their lives and it seems like almost every time I wanted to say something I was either ignored and talked over, was interrupted and had to make my presence known, or any other scenario that left me feeling somewhat upset and kind of neglected.
Tonight were 2 instances it happened and the second time I was just kinda like fuck it. And I guess that was not the best way to handle it. I should've said something, but I didn't because I didn't want to make a big deal out of it becase I don't want this to be a big deal. I don't feel that it is, it's just something I need to work on myself. I'm not blaming anybody and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone because it's no one's fault. I just need to become more agressive I guess. I just don't want to feel ignored by my friends and like what I have to say isn't important.
Like I said, it's no one's fault...I just need to work on my personality I guess so I dont' have to feel that way. And I know that my friends value my opinion so don't think that I'm saying they don't. And this is not a "kat needs sympathy post" or a "kat is being depressed" or any carious forms of that. This is a Kat needs to get her feelings out post and this is the best way how right now.
So yeah, I'm done now. If you read all that, 10 brownie points for you. Until next time.....HOLLA!!! |